The Canines
A Happy Farewell to the Year
The end of the year appears out of nowhere, like a fog that dissipates in a second and leaves you pressed up against a wall you didn’t see coming. I didn’t see it coming. I’m unpacking accumulated suitcases because the only conclusion I’ve reached this Christmas morning is that I need to organize this room, which has been playing Tetris with me for two years. I wonder if I’m like this with everything: a chaos that needs an order it doesn’t know how to maintain.
In this tiny reflection on the year, done while brushing my teeth, I’ve realized that my canines separate from my lips when I’m happy. I think it’s because my cheeks are higher, and the corners of my mouth pull upwards. I’m not talking about when I laugh or smile; I mean my default expression: the one I have while waiting for the toast or the microwave to finish, the one that shows up when I dance, when I read a message, or when I remember something. The same one that has been there almost all day lately. It surprises me because I wasn’t entirely sure it would come back. In fact, I hadn’t even realized it had gone. Strange, isn’t it?
I dance and sing a lot; I’m calm. Almost everything seems fine to me: also, who comes and who goes. I understand absences, and I’ve learned to pay them little attention. Fully focused on receiving affection. I no longer run away; I just stay quietly in my little space and make it a cozy place. Let whoever wants to come, come.
I have the best playlist to fall asleep to in the world.
And, for now, I don’t need much else.
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